Gender Identity... & Does the sexual orientation of parents matter?

"Homosexuality is a mental illness" "When the child will ask "who is my dad? "What will they answer? That he doesn't exist? That you don't know who he is? That doesn't matter? Pure selfishness. "They have altered everything, a family normally consists of a father and a mother". "our religion says so" "this is an offense to nature" "But the girlfriend seems like a man to me" These are some of the latest Facebook comments I've seen. These comments are one of the reasons I decided to write this short article for LGBT Pride Month, as well as the Catholic church's recent intervention in opposition to the anti-homotransphobia law.

Although the credit was given to a man, the term Gender was first coined by Simone de Beauvoir. The distinction between Sex and Gender is essential before delving into a more complex topic, the development of gender. Furthermore, when gender is associated with parenting styles, it is stereotypically visualized as heterosexual. But the reality of the 21st century is far from this and our cultural preconceptions stop us from rationally evaluate how gender is relevant to the growth of an offspring. 

Sex defines the biological distinction between female and male, correspondingly XX and XY chromosomes. While, Gender refers to the social aspects of differences and hierarchies between male and female. The former represents our identity (I am a woman), our role, which refers to the socially accepted characteristics of a given sex (I am a man, but I wear a dress) and our performance, meaning our acting out (Macionis & Plummer, 2012).

If you want to know about LGBTQIA follow the link Resource Center website (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Intersex, Asexual) https://lgbtqia.ucdavis.edu/educated/glossary

There are three major theoretical approaches for explaining the development of gender identity: biological, social and cognitive. None of them alone can entirely explain the multidimensional aspects of gender identity development, but all of them give some insight on the process, and especially on the knowledge of stereotypes and gender-appropriate behaviour. For instance, the biological approach proposes that the different roles, status and behavioural patterns between sexes are the outcome of evolution, the quest to adapt to the environment. On the other hand, social learning theory describes gendered behaviour as acquired through reinforcement by parents, peers and media. And Finally, cognitive theory concentrates on the child's active role in seeking gender material from the environment, constructing their own gender identity (Gillibrand et. al, 2016).

What is more, There are many commonsense assumptions found in everyday life about gender and sex. The most important is that everybody seems to believe that Sexual differences are "only natural". I could list some more: "Motherhood is natural to women" or "some men can't help rape, their sex drive is too strong". The binary way of thinking seems to be the foundation of society, where heterosexuality remained the only "natural", an enforced social system where individuals are expected to develop a gender identity as society constructed them.

According to Simone de Beauvoir: "One is not born, but rather one becomes a woman", suggesting that society and societal forces impose what women have to be. Also, Judith Butler, concerned with how human creates subjectivity, describes the self as "the doing", believing that gender is performative, which depends not on who you are but on what you do (Macionis & Plummer, 2012).

Changes in the last two centuries have been remarkable. Not long-ago women occupied a subordinate position. The fact that homosexuality was once considered a disease and was also against the law is another example. Nowadays, these ideas have shifted and gave space to other key debates: Do GBTQIA families have the right to raise children?

Many changes over the 20th century have impacted families, and even if we keep the same stereotypical image of a family: mother, father and children, nowadays, such an image is far from reality. For instance, the "typical" family represented 50% of American households in 1960 but only 12% in 1995, due to a sharp increase in divorce. Where kids once lived in two-parent families now live in single-parent families, at least for a while. What is more, because of economic crisis, social changes and lots more, women are postponing childbirth for later years, and family are smaller with fewer children. On the other hand, single-gender families are increasing, but while gay and lesbian are establishing their rights for marriage, still, when the argument focus on their rights to raise children, many are sceptical.

Children's development, according to Bronfenbrenner's ecological systems theory, is mostly a passive process that can be impacted not only by parents but also by a broader system, such as the school, neighbourhoods, family's work relationships, peers, culture and so on. Many states are concerned that children growing with two same-sex adults will be adversely affected, especially regarding their gender identity. But research says the contrary. Children raised in a same-gender family seem not to experience any gender confusion, and they are likely to identify themselves as heterosexual as adults, as children growing up with heterosexual parents.

There are differences, children who grew up in a gay-lesbian (research based) family show more liberal attitudes towards sexuality, with fewer gender stereotypes or none, considering issues such as occupational preference and clothing (Golombok & Tasker, 1996; Stacey & Biblarz, 2001). In other words, the capability to raise children is not affected by the gender of the parents, but by other factors, such as socioeconomic status (not essential) and PARENTING STYLES. The latter remains crucial for the growth of psychologically healthy children (Bjorklund & Blasi, 2012).

To conclude, gender remains an essential part of our identity and be hated, discriminated against, persecuted, killed for is just absurd. Our sex does not identify us, gender does. Stop using God to justify your prejudice. Being homosexual is not a sin. Masculine and feminine are not biologically fixed, but are socially constructed.

As I was writing this small article I realized how some of these subtle stereotypes remain so hidden that we do not realize how much society constructs and shapes our beliefs, so I attached some links that could be useful.

Words that hurt and Why: "Sometimes we say words without realizing the impact they may have on others. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Take time to educate yourself about language and histories of oppression". https://lgbtqia.ucdavis.edu/educated/words

Reference list:

Macionis, J., J. & Plummer, K. (2012). Sociology: a global introduction (5th edition). Harlow: Pearson.

Gillibrand, R., Lam, V. & O'Donnell, V. (2016). Developmental Psychology (2nd ed.). Harlow: Pearson.

Bjorklund, F. D. & Blasi, H. C. (2012). Child & adolescent development: An integrated approach. Belmont: Wadsworth Cengage learning.

Golombok, S., & Tasker, F. (1996). Do parents influence the sexual orientation of their children? Findings from a longitudinal study of lesbian families. Developmental Psychology, 32(1), 3–11. doi:10.1037/0012-1649.32.1.3

Stacey, J., & Biblarz, T. J. (2001). (How) Does the Sexual Orientation of Parents Matter? American Sociological Review, 66(2), 159. doi:10.2307/2657413